I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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