she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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