and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize