just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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