im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
