dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
