just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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