Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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