was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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