you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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