Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
