I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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