not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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