I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
