We won't sleep together?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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