I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
