They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
