I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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