last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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