So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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