im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize