i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
