Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize