I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
