Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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