i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
