my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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