you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
