you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
