This is not my ceiling
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize