He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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