She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
