she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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