he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize