literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
