she woke up with a sticky ear
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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