I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
