Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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