his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
