I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
