Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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