so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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