May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize