Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
