dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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