I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
