I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
