ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
