im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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