he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
