Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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