I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish you could order shots online.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
