Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
