it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
