You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
