He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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