12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
