So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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