Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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