I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
