Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
