ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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