I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
