CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize