At least make sure they are 18
Why
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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