Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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