The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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