I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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