Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
