you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
