the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
