This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
